it's your BIG day my love..

happy birthday ALfie!!

we started rite on time kan..hihi..mommy was so excited getting the plan done..and lucky me, i managed to get everything done on time..so at 12 midnite..me and alfie..blew a blue clown cake together..and snapped some beautiful photos.. :)

I hope u love your prezzie.. :) mommy loves dat so much..1st time i laid eyes on it, i know that i shoud get it for my little baby.. so now..i can hug u anytime i like..and anytime i need u..i know where to find you..mmmmmuuaaaahhhh..

and today, like promised..just you and me..spending time together..nothing else matters..we had fun did'nt we? not to worry my dear..even any other days, u will always be in my heart..i promise you that..and im sure, when my time comes, i will be all excited to go..coz i know, i'll be meeting you..till dat day comes..im here with you..you are never alone..

today is your day baby..and i keep my promise.. :) im so happy.. and alfie, never ever be sad..dunia akhirat..hanya alfie and mommy..takde org lain..jgn fikir psal org lain..org yg tak nak ingat kita, kita tak payah ingat dia..yg penting..alfie happy hari ni kan..mommy pon happy sangat..alfie baby..how i wish i could see you smiling at me now..god knows how i wish i could kiss you and hug you for real..

mommy has done terrible things to you..and i hope dat, you will forgive me coz u shud know dat losing you was the biggest mistake mommy has ever done..i shoud have fought for your rite to see d world..and forever i will be in dat guilt,and forever i will not forgive myself..

alfie sayang..those thing ive done to u, i could never repay..but i promise you one thing, my love is forever with you..in my heart, there's you everywhere..full with your memories,even u were with me for 2 months..but your presence has permanently printed in my heart, my life..i have no regrets spending my precious two months with you..

if mommy would ever become pregnant again,i want you..i want you to choose me again..and be born healtily..and happily spending the rest of your life with me..pls choose me again, pls give me the chance to make it up to you, pls give me the chance to love, to hug, to kiss, to pamper you in this world..plsss..pls choose me coz that would be the real gift for me..no other gift, no other thing that i want..i just want you back..

alfie, ppl mite say dat ive gone crazy to do all this..they dont understand, i am all centered and definitely not crazy to do all this, to plan all this, to be wanting all this..i am not carried away, i am just totally missing you like crazy, and love you whole heartedly.. i want you to know dat..

alfie sayang..there is no ending to what i want to say to you, to describe my love to you..to let you know that how empty my life is witout you..there's always things to say to you..u know rite..u know all that rite..

baby..today is your day, dont be sad..dari dulu sampai skrng..hanya alfie n mommy..and it will remain that way..no one can be in our circle anymore, we have given enough space, enough time for him to be part of us..but he never wants to be inside..so my love, we have been pulling him to be part of us..but he refused..that is his choice..he has made that choice, nothing else we can do...but it doesnt matter rite..coz you and me, that's all matters.. :)

alfie sayang, i'll make sure that my love will make you the happiest boy in heaven :) and alfie..keep smiling..and be happy..u deserve it..

tight hugs, thousand kisses, millions of happy thoughts, sincerest love, never ending hope and prayers for your happiness... :) happy 1st birthday sayang..

your mommy..