My Little Princess

It's 19th again..i thought the 3rd time would be easier or less painful for me..but i was wrong..it's still another challenging day for me..it was hard for me to open up my eyes today..not only because they are swollen due to my endless crying session last nite, but also because i feel so sad to embrace what just happenned 3 months ago..but i guess this is my punishment that i have to endure for the rest of my life for letting go of the most precious gift from God.

Alfie sayang, i have no regrets to feel this pain,if this pain makes me feel closer to you. I had a long conversation with Mr Nice Guy last nite..guess what he said..why should i remember and always talk about alfie if these will make me feel hurt and difficult for me to move on? I didnt answer him coz i'd lost my words to his question. how could he asked me that..

Alfie sayang, mommy knows the answer..how could i not be talking about u..coz u r my sweet little voice..how could i forget u..u r my heart and soul.. how could i ignore u..u r my breath that keep me alive..I dont want to lose you another time sayang, so i will keep all the pain if that makes me feel near to you. Give me more pain, and i would take it without any hesitation,give me more twinge,yes i would take it..coz i am all yours sayang..Alfie, forgive me for the experience and the pain that ive caused you three months ago..

I will never stop asking you to forgive me..and asking god for forgiveness..and asking god to atleast open up your ayah's heart for you..sayang..if he chooses not to be with us..it's alrite ok..u still have mommy..and all these while pon..it was only you and me..and we made it.

Sayang..i want you to be happy there..u are my angel..my little, sweet, adorable angel..and i miss you so dearly...

I LOVE YOU FOREVER