my mistake is to love you.

K.I.S.S

yes..I miss that too. But this time, I'm not gonna talk about my hot steamy kiss..just writing down a K.I.S.S note to d love of my life.

"Thank you a million for d superb dinner, for d great conversation and for the great company..you give me joy n happiness even in the shortest time we shared. I really appreciate your effort n time that you spent with me tonite. It is our 50th mths anniversary, and as special as the renowned Jubli Emas..you made it special just for being here with me..thank you, thank you thank you.. Happy new year to my beloved comelest..you will always be my fireworks where ever u are.."

p/s- even in la parisss..or bostannnn... :)

Be with the one that you could not live without

It has been a while that I have stopped writing. I wanted to just live my life and be normal and happy just like others. Feeling has been bottled up, thoughts have been piling up. It is not as easy as one could say..or one could see..

It is right when people say.."Be with the one that you could not live without". But now, I am forced to live against this saying. I am forced to accept that I could live a better life, happier life without him, the love of my life. How could I live? how could I be happier? How could this be better for me?

God knows how much I've tried to hold to the statement "I'll be better without him, I'll be happier, I'll be much loved". God knows how much I wanted it to be true. But I'm only human..I'm still the girl who believe that her love is her life..I'm still the girl who stupidly believe that love conquers all..I'm still the girl, who believe that her first kiss is for the love of her life.

I am still a girl that hold to memories to keep her alive, I am still a girl who wishes to be loved. I am still a girl who wishes that her boy will love her back unconditionally.

It is hard to love, it is even harder to let go of a true love.. he is my true love. I love him for what he is, love him for what he is not. Love him for his perfection, love him even more for his imperfection. Love him for his charistma, loves him for his every weaknesses.

Loves him when he snored, loves him when his tummy couldnt stand spicy food, loves him when his hair looks messy, loves him, when he fell asleep just in the count of three. loves his smell in the morning, loves his smell in the afternoon, loves his smell in d nites..

Love him when he hold my hands so tightly till it hurts, love him for driving recklessly, love him for walking fast, love him for his precious 2 hours, love him even when I knew he lied, love him even he has broken my heart repeatedly. Love him so much it is beyond words..

Reaffirmation: To live AGAINST the saying above is HARD.

So pls say that "I'll have a better and happier life" again.. Could you?

i miss you..

things are no longer beautiful as before..it is definitely real when people say that love fades, sparks get dimmer, feelings change..

i missed the moment when we cared abt each other, when we excitedly find chances to be together..when we created the time, just to say hello..and how we planned surprises just to see the look on our faces..

i missed the moment..when there were so many laughters and warmth feelings between us..how your smile made my day, how your voice kept me awake, how your touch comforted me..

how i missed the moment of the former you and the unchanged me..

my words have lost her charm, my voice has lost its sweetness..so, i can only say it here..i miss you..i really do..

one small gesture does make a difference

I still remember the day I received 12 dozens of flowers..roses, carnations, tulips, and flowers that I don’t even know the names..they were delivered to my home, received by my parents coz I was away in Malacca. The next day, I rushed back to my hometown, and to see my living hall, full of blossom flowers..it was like a flower shop.. I was speechless and I definitely happy..there was a card waiting to be opened too..and in the card..there were words that forever will be kept in my mind..thanks to him..for making me happy even he was far far away..isnt it sweet? it does feel soooo sweet..

I remember the day I received 21 red roses, hand delivered to me by a very great man..that was the 1st roses he gave me but definitely not the last one..21 roses resembles the day me and him started as a couple..and on every 21st of the months, we celebrated it with joy..receiving great notes, hand made cards, beautiful poems, surprised dinners, great gifts, all were done with love.. am I lucky? Damn I am lucky to have those memories crafted in my heart..

It was a sunny day, I was lepaking at home with frens.. I received a call from a man, whom I had not seen for a while..coz we were separated my few states.. I jumped of joy wanted to enter my room, for better privacy..he asked to look out over my window..and to my surprise, there he was with a lovely smile a man could have, standing at the gate waving at me.. there he was, giving me a surprise visit, just after I told him I had a headache and I was all nervous to face my mid term exam. He brought instant smile to my face, he lifted up my world..

I was hungry, and I was alone in my room at the hostel. It was a weekend break after exam, so most of my friends went back home.. I went down to café to get some food..but the café was also closed..so there I was, hungry and alone.. I went back to my room feeling sad.. then he called, saying that he’s on his way back to college..coz he started missing me and he felt bad leaving when he knows that my friends were away. So he came back, brought me food, and accompany me for the whole weekend.. did I ask him to come back or to bring me food? No, I did not. He did it coz he wanted too.. and that’s to me..purely sweet..

Emm, there was a guy, who shared a brief moment with me.. I hardly remember his favorite food, or color..we see each other during weekends coz he was working outstation.. he would drive 5 hours every Friday after work..only to reach his house around midnight, so that he could have breakfast with me on Saturday morning..we then would go to this banana leaf warung..to have our chapatti and teh tarik..and after few months, he bought me a ring and wanted to see my parents..he wanted me to be his forever.. was it sweet? Not to me at that moment..

There was a night which I felt like a princess..he called, asked me to dress up, rang my bell, closed my eyes with his hand to his car..opened the door for me..and there I was..stunned to see petals of roses all over the seat..the seat turned red for once :) I was shocked coz I know how particular he was about tidiness of his car, and now his car has turned to carpet of roses.. he then surprised me with another bouquet of red roses and a beautifully wrapped present. We then went to this villa over looking a lake, with nice music at the background..and definitely good food for dining.. I had such a great time..

In my life, I have received all the sweet things one could have..i have received thousands of flowers..plenty of bouquets..numbers of presents..poems..words that melts..gestures that stays in my heart..those memories will keep me alive and keep me grounded, as sometimes I become forgetful of how fortunate I was and still am.. and even if, god decided not to give me the chance to feel all those anymore, I would not be mad at Him..coz He has given me all..He has made me feel so special..

-ve vs +ve

can hatred turns to love? is my fear holding me down? could it be a beautiful love story in the making?

you have started making me happy..now i can laugh..not at u, but with you..and now i can smile, whenever i think about u..just like ur prayers that u have shared with me, i too hope for my fear to be gone soon..so that you will be happy too...im not as cold as u think, u know ;) u'll find out..

thanks alfie..

I'm a stronger mother each day..happy mother's day to me :)